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She Stoops to Conquer; Or, The Mistakes of a Night: A Comedy

by Oliver Goldsmith

Pages
about 82
Category
Literature & Fiction
Language
English
Reading time
1.5 h at 250 wpm
Start readingThe whole book, as cards or one word at a time. 50 min at 450 wpm in Read mode.

From the opening

Enter MR. WOODWARD, dressed in black, and holding a handkerchief to his eyes.

Excuse me, sirs, I pray--I can’t yet speak-- I’m crying now--and have been all the week. “’Tis not alone this mourning suit,” good masters: “I’ve that within”--for which there are no plasters! Pray, would you know the reason why I’m crying? The Comic Muse, long sick, is now a-dying! And if she goes, my tears will never stop; For as a player, I can’t squeeze out one drop: I am undone, that’s all--shall lose my bread-- I’d rather, but that’s nothing--lose my head. When the sweet maid is laid upon the bier, Shuter and I shall be chief mourners here. To her a mawkish drab of spurious breed, Who deals in sentimentals, will succeed! Poor Ned and I are dead to all intents; We can as soon speak Greek as sentiments! Both nervous grown, to keep our spirits up. We now and then take down a hearty cup. What shall we do? If Comedy forsake us, They’ll turn us out, and no one else will take us. But why can’t I be moral?--Let me try-- My heart thus pressing--fixed my face and eye-- With a sententious look, that nothing means, (Faces are blocks in sentimental scenes) Thus I begin: “All is not gold that glitters, “Pleasure seems sweet, but proves a glass of bitters. “When Ignorance enters, Folly is at hand: “Learning is better far than house and land. “Let not your virtue trip; who trips may stumble, “And virtue is not virtue, if she tumble.”

I give it up--morals won’t do for me; To make you laugh, I must play tragedy. One hope remains--hearing the maid was ill, A Doctor comes this night to show his skill.

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